You asshole. Why be so selfish. You are so talented and you are worried about...what...your IMAGE and how people will interpret your intentions? A sign of stupid "Anxiety" or "Depression" or whatever therapists are calling it these days.
You are an excellent artist, and musician and you are wasting your talents by being lazy and unfocused. Don't be subdued; open your eyes to people with a different kind of faith. What kind of faith? Faith in your art. Who gives a shit about pleasing a higher being; that will just make you feel more pressured to put out the greatest thing of all man-kind. Don't be afraid to be obvious, and don't be afraid to be active, you melancholy soul.